Lebkuchen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
brokenhabit) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
letsplayamurder2025-08-24 06:24 pm
brokenhabit) wrote in letsplayamurder2025-08-24 06:24 pm
Afterparty
[ After the reunions have been had Lebkuchen finds a moment to compose herself, clearing her throat to get everyone's attention. ]
I think we ought to leave this place before our pathetic excuse of a Titan rears his ugly head once more. We can recuperate and mourn our losses... but also celebrate our win, [ She gives Aoi another squeeze to make it clear who she means ] before we move on to whatever happens next.
Give me a little time and I'll prepare something in the eatery for everyone.
[ It feels weird to have one of these not in the bar (even though her ass was almost always somewhere else after these ordeals) but she's certain it would feel even worse to be in the bar with Quark not there (even without her knowing that's where their bodies were found).
And so true to her word the eatery is eventually full of the usual spread of homemade treats Lebkuchen has been know for. Some of them were made the day before she poofed but are still perfectly good, however eventually some fresh ones do appear as well. Some of them have some leaves stuck to them though... probably because the kitchen is full of Lebkuchen's vines hard at work making everything for her. Oh well, it's extra nutrients!
She's also brought up several bottles from the bar because dunno about you but she's going to drink. ]
I think we ought to leave this place before our pathetic excuse of a Titan rears his ugly head once more. We can recuperate and mourn our losses... but also celebrate our win, [ She gives Aoi another squeeze to make it clear who she means ] before we move on to whatever happens next.
Give me a little time and I'll prepare something in the eatery for everyone.
[ It feels weird to have one of these not in the bar (even though her ass was almost always somewhere else after these ordeals) but she's certain it would feel even worse to be in the bar with Quark not there (even without her knowing that's where their bodies were found).
And so true to her word the eatery is eventually full of the usual spread of homemade treats Lebkuchen has been know for. Some of them were made the day before she poofed but are still perfectly good, however eventually some fresh ones do appear as well. Some of them have some leaves stuck to them though... probably because the kitchen is full of Lebkuchen's vines hard at work making everything for her. Oh well, it's extra nutrients!
She's also brought up several bottles from the bar because dunno about you but she's going to drink. ]
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She taps them together idly before taking a sip - then finally addresses it. ]
No, I ought to talk about it, I think.
I had... a lot of time to think while in that state.
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Okay.
So, is it... like you're in that Golden Maiden form all the time, now, or...?
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It's more... I'm both forms at once. There's no difference between the two anymore. I'm just... this.
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When I was in that weakened state with my thoughts I realized... I was splintered before. Split between what I was now and what I so desperately wanted to return to. It was affecting my powers, and in tandem with my inexperience it was all taking a toll on me physically.
And so it occurred to me... I would never get a handle on my powers unless I learned to accept this side of myself. Accept what He... did to me. If I continued to be split like this then so would my powers. And then I wouldn't get anywhere.
I can't beat Him unless I live with what He's done to me. Until I embrace what He made me and learn not to fear it. I needed to... [ she looks down at her feet, tapping the shoes together again ] face that it'll never all magically go away.
...It's the only way to reclaim anything for myself. To grow stronger and weaponize my chains.
Or that's what I came to realize anyway.
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[That makes sense. It sucks, but saying that doesn't make it all go away either. Wallowing in misery and crying about how unfair everything is... it's fine, earned even, but it doesn't change anything at all. Maybe that glow is a terrible thing, sure. A sign of what happened to Lebkuchen-- what was done to her.
Right now...
Right now, she can only see it as a sign of how strong Lebkuchen really is.]
..."Pain you can't forget sucks, but it's also a good motivator." [Ha... She never forgot those words, of course.] "Turn it into fuel that will keep you moving forward forever."
[But maybe she's only fully starting to grasp it now.]
A... friend of mine, said that to me, before. It's... unfair. I wish you never had any of that happen to you. I wish your town had been better, I wish-- I wish Elise had been better. I wish it so much.
But wishes don't do anything. I don't think miracles are real, either. Not how people talk about it, as this... wonderful, divine thing that just happens because good people deserve good things. We have to make it happen.
[Like what they did with Aoi. They didn't wait around for Athena. They got her back, all on their own. With their own strength.]
I guess... I guess what I want to say is...
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Whatever you need. Okay?
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And then she smiles. An actual smile. ]
...Thank you, Jeira. You're a good friend - just you being here has been such a help already.
[ She thinks about the way she removed her veil, held her as she cried and reassured her she was right to feel as hurt as she was. How she tried to stand up for her at trial, how she sheltered her with her jacket all the way back during that time in the kitchen that feels so long ago now...
How she felt when she saw Cerejeira might get hurt--
She moves to lean against her. ]
You know I... while I was in that state I...
I also thought a lot about you...
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[Play it cool, play it so cool right now, fuck she's leaning against her, she cannot play it cool.]
Really...?
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I thought a lot about why the thought of seeing you hurt made me so distressed. Why I wanted so badly to protect you and how you took up all my thoughts even though Elise was also right there calling to me.
[ And then she just
Moves her hand.
Over top of Cerejeira's. ]
And I think I realized something.
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...What's that?
STARES AT THIS FOREVER BEFORE PRESSING POST
It's time to move on. ]
That I like... being at your side.
When I was in that weakened state, even though I wasn't aware of what was going on outside of that limbo... I knew I was with you.
And I felt comforted. Safe. Even when my heart was pounding, I have always felt that with you.
Because I simply... like you. All of you.
[ This is so much different than when she told Elise how she felt--
But that's what's so great isn't it? That she's not Elise. ]
I'd like to keep being close at your side like that... if you'll have me.
[ She tilts her head up to look her in the eye. ]
Is there uh... room for two in your bedroom?
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[Oh. Oh, that sort of thinking about her.
Instincts are immediately awakening, telling her to back away. To push Lebkuchen away from her, towards someone... better. Someone normal. Not that any of them are normal, but at least they weren't made broken in the same way as her, right? Doesn't Lebkuchen deserve someone better, after everything? Someone more stable, who can keep on smiling and be as strong as her. Someone...
...else.
...That isn't her talking, is it? That's the burden Rani-XII put on her, the Alter Ego of Cerejeira Elron, the voice in her head that constantly tells her how awful she is. It's still so loud, even after all these weeks.
But, she can hear Lancer, too. Telling her to just do what she wants. She can hear Quark teasing her about how much Lebkuchen would want to see her, after all of this. She can hear Sakura. Telling her not to worry about "being qualified".
Maybe she isn't good enough. Maybe she is. Actually, you know what? Fuck it, right? She wants something nice, too. Just this once.]
...Yeah. Actually, um...
I'd really, really like... having you there.
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But she feels the way she feels and she's done hiding and being scared. She's not denying herself anything anymore. Even if it doesn't work out in the future, at least she tried.
She's going to fight for that happy ending stolen from her, no matter what it takes. ]
Thank you...
[ For accepting my feelings. For always being there beside me.
For seeing me
The smile on her face is more radiant than her golden glow. ]
Goodness, I think that's the most forward I've ever been--
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Erm-- of course, I didn't mean anything inappropriate by it! [ SHE MEANT TO BE VERY CHASTE ABOUT IT SHE SWEARS ] Just, ah--