Week Six

[letsplayamod]

You've survived, for lack of better wording, the latest week of trials and tribulations. This one had been more costly than most: Typhon's machinations have brought your group to nearly half the size it was when Athena first brought you to this island. Whether it ends with him or with you is still too soon to make out. One thing's for certain. Things cannot be allowed to continue as they are.

Speaking of continuing, the next floor has been revealed to you. Just how far down this island goes is a bit of a mystery, but you get the feeling that you're close to something important. Maybe that thing Athena wanted you to find before Typhon does. You can ruminate on that as you watch the waters below. Waves still lap at the cliffs, but it all seems lower than it did weeks ago. Like the ocean itself is shrinking...

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[necromants]

Those memories are why I'm trying to do better, to be better. Those memories are who I am, and they are very precious to me. Disagree with my actions all you want - and you should - but I would still be "Zvei" were it not for those memories.

[And no one wants that, right???

Though Astarion's words... Hm. Maybe this isn't entirely anger at Zvei and his actions. Maybe this whole thing hits a little too close to home.]

You chose a different path. I'm glad someone did. It seems your life turned out far better because of it.

[pariunt]

But you're dead. What good does remembering now do?

[It doesn't make sense to him. Maybe the situations are too different.]

[necromants]

Because I finally understand. I know why I've had such a hard time connecting with others. I know that I've always been like this and that I've struggled with it my whole life. I know that despite this, I was still able to form connections and care about others, and I know that I wanted to do better than I had because of someone dear to me.

[He closes his eyes and exhales slowly.]

Imagine if you were to forget everything that drove you. Where would you be? Who would you be? I finally have all the answers I sought, and though things are difficult now, I can at least start to truly more forward.

[Were his actions wrong? Absolutely. But he can't regret regaining his memories, because it's only now that he can actually start to understand himself and figure out why he's such a damn mess in the first place. Remembering is more important than being dead, even now.]

cw: vague allusions to sexual abuse

[pariunt]

[Astarion sighs.

He barely remembers who he was before Cazador. He doesn't remember what color his eyes used to be, didn't remember his own face until Luna showed it to him in a dream. All he remembers is being the creature Cazador made him to be, and all of those years luring people back to the manor with the right words and a flirtatious grin.]

Who would I be?

I wasn't anything before the mindflayers kidnapped me by chance. I wasn't anybody until I met Tav and the others. Just a pitiful man who resented the world who turned away from him.

cw: suicidal ideation

[necromants]

Then you understand better than most people.

[A pitiful man who resented the world who turned away from him. Yeah. Doesn't that sound familiar.]

My actions were wrong, and I do not mean to excuse them away. But I was desperate, and I wanted to be anyone else, even if it meant I would die.

[Perhaps especially if that's what it meant.]

cw: suicidal ideation

[pariunt]

[Astarion gives him a mirthless shrug.]

I... suppose I can understand that.

To keep going was...

[Well. It's not like he ever attempted to end his life. But he'd also never actually been alive undead status aside.]

But it was different, for me. I found allies. Eventually.

[His siblings had been different. Are still different.]

[necromants]

Yes, exactly. Perhaps if I'd allowed myself the chance, things would have turned out different.

[But he didn't, and so here we are now.]

So I'm trying to do things right this time, even if it doesn't mean nearly as much after death.

[pariunt]

[And it's far too late to make a difference.

If Astarion is able to escape this place, he can continue to make a difference. he can return home, continue to lead the other vampires.]

We'll find a way to kill Typhon. It's likely the only way to free your souls.

[necromants]

...I wonder.

[Alex's earlier statements have him thinking about what exactly is going on here, but it's more on the living to decide how to proceed from here. If they wish to bring Ivilezlei back with the others, then it's not like he can really stop them.]

You have my thanks. For listening, at the very least.

[For continuing to fight too, even if his feelings on Typhon are vastly different from everyone else's.]

[pariunt]

[As far as Astarion is concerned, he doesn't care about giving input on who he thinks should or shouldn't be saved.

He has his comfort area of making snarky quips and letting people more measured than him make the big decisions.]

...Certainly.

[He's clearly not sure what else to say.]