letsplayamurder | Week one

[Opening his mouth, about to harp on Alex for being so pigeonhearted. That's before he recalls that, oh right. This is the death guy. The one that dealt with the literal embodiment of death, not the other god of death guy. And while Ranma himself is very cavalier when it comes to close call with death, even he can say that Alex's behavior's fair.

So he'll lay off the guy. A little, like 15%.]

C'mon man, take a breather. Nobody here's gonna set themselves on fire. They can't be that clumsy.

[somebody hasn't heard of the flambé fiasco on monday. said somebody is bending over and picking up sticks, trying to find one pointy for his treat]

[ Alex, who was at the impromptu kitchen fire, kind of deadeyes the middle distance for a moment. In utter deadpan: ] You'd be surprised.

[ But he continues— ]

Buut, s'not about bein' clumsy or not. It's about...not takin' in all the factors that could lead up to an accident. It just takes one bad...choice or circumstance to cause a whole big disaster, you know? Especially if something isn't properly maintained.

[why. why is he staring off like that. did he break the alex?]

... Okay, I can't argue against ya' there.

[Cause like. Fair. Akane would've left half of the kitchen charred black if she was here! Ha ha ha aw now he kinda made himself sad thinking of that...

Alex's comments about bad choices and circumstances get a scoff out of the pigtailed teen.] Preachin' to the choir there. [Almost most of his life's biggest problems can be summed up as bad choices or circumstances. Jusenkyo, the Neko-ken, the pledge... How many of that could've been prevented if people ~~genma~~ actually stopped and used their gods damned brain.]

In my experience, even if you plan ahead or try taking into account everything, things will go wrong anyway. [curse of living in a rumiko takahashi comic: if you're not named nabiki your plans will get foiled before they can be put into action.] You just gotta be quick on your feet and think in the moment.

[Ranma is labeled as the God of Flow here. That's how he handles most of his problems when things go awry... usually in tandem with violence but lets not sweat that detail. Ranma snaps a stick in twain, plucking out marshmallows from the bag to make a sweet shish kebab.]

Besides...

[He rocks one of the water bucket Alex had set out with his foot gingerly to not spill it over.]

... Can't somebody trip on these and fall in the flames?

[he's. helping? hindering? ranma could honestly be doing both]

[ ... ]

...Wait. No, wait, that's—

Ahh- sh-shit, there's just- there's SO many fire hazards around here!

[ You didn't break him before, Ranma, but you may have broken him now! ]

[uh oh spaghetti-os. he was actually getting somewhere(?) but then took 180 steps backwards. Oops.

He should probably do something before Alex gives himself an aneurysm. Calmly approaching the taller boy.]

Alex. Al. Buddy. [Pal

Just. Drops a handful of marshmallows in Alex's hand. Eat. You're not you when you're hungry.]

[ SQUEEZES THE MARSHMALLOWS ALL AT ONCE. ]

Marshmallows ain't gonna keep anyone from igniting—!

[THEY'RE NOT STRESS BALLS MY GUY]

Okay, true. You got me there. Buuuut...

[Flicks one in the air, catching it in his mouth.]

They're tasty!~ [He's talking while his mouth full. Table manners, what're those?] And I don't see how constantly being on edge 24/7 is either.

[There's being alert and then there's being afraid of your own shadow so badly you stumble backwards and set off a chain of events that lead to someone drowning themselves in a bucket]

[ ~~they're stress balls NOW~~

oh no he's only almost drowned before in a puddle of rain water and mud, he's good!!!

Ranma's got a mouth full of marshmallows and aaaaall Alex can see is what'll happen if he starts to choke. Maybe he can do the Heimlich. But what if they DO run into one of the buckets and trip over it? One minute you're trying to save a goodnatured punch boy from a sugary treat, the next you're burning to death in a bonfire! ]

I'm being alert, if you're not alert, that's how It can— [ ah. different world, different governing rules, but, still- ] —h-how something can go wrong.

[That slip of the tongue doesn't get past him. Oh man. He's going to have to deal with this hot mess of a human being, isn't he? Gods give him strength.

Swallowing with a big audible GULP, which should quell Alex's fears of the boy suffering a sweet demise but we all know it won't]

Look dude, I get you're worried 'bout Death and all. And I know you're tryin' to keep people safe. It's commendable, really.

[He actually does means that. He can respect someone wanting to keep innocents from getting hurt or worse. Martial artists have a similar creed.]

But you'll be more helpful if you can keep a cool head. Panicking and freaking out'll only lead to mistakes.

[Which can lead to accidents, like the one he proposed with the buckets a moment ago.]

[ In the second Ranma gulps, Alex tenses up, positively freezes, preparing himself to launch into action.

In the second after, Alex's shoulders fall, but he remains tense. He's always tense. ]

You don't get it, I can't- if I relax, that's when it's worst.

[ You have to live your life, Alex. You can't just lock yourself away. Please, trust me.

Fuck, he knows, he knows, it was never about not— ]

I can't. The last time I relaxed, for- for even a second, it—

[ Her smiling face. An almost imperceptible crack. No time to do anything, except.

Except.

Alex shakes his head. He turns away, takes a deep breath, as if to remind himself that he still can. ]

I just can't. Okay?

[That cutting himself off isn't lost on him. And those words... Something about them's coming too close to a recently developed nerve for Ranma's own comfort.

I can't relax. I can't stop moving. I can't slow down for even a second. I need to stay alive.

If I'm too slow she'll-

Ranma's never really been the guy people come to for uplifting words or sound advice. He's the guy they come to/beg him to punch away their problems. And well, you can't punch death in the face until it fucks off. Best thing you can do is avoid it until it finally sinks its claws into you.

Deep exhale.]

Fine, if ya' say so. Just tryin' to stop you from givin' yourself a heart attack.

[With a mumble, Ranma stakes his marshmallow kebab into the ground in the perfect spot, angling it near the fire to let to cook. He saunters over back to the buckets of water and dirt, tapping one with his foot.]

D'ya want a hand with these?

[ Jittery. Nervous. It's all for her. It has to be. He has to save her. He has to save one damn person, and he wants it to be her.

Caught up in his internal spiral, Alex doesn't quite hear Ranma's exhale. Hell, he barely even processes what he says at first. That's sort of self-demonstrating, isn't it? He's too distracted to. You can't fight Death on your own. It's too hard.

He does turn on a dime at the sound of the stick. The disruption of dirt, that's somehow something his ears have been trained to hear, or something, which means he's looking at Ranma, listening more actively to him, so.

Alex blinks. ]

With the... [ I thought you said... His shoulders slump a little. ] Uh. Yeah. At least...help me figure out where's a good spot? So no one actually does trip over 'em.

[ There's a method to his madness. There's nothing but method, unfortunately. But it's so much easier to keep from getting caught up in it when there's someone else to lend a hand. ]

[Much as he does think Alex's being overly paranoid and seconds away from scaring himself to an early grave, Ranma'll admit he has the right idea. Bonfire's too big to be left unattended without some safety precaution in place. Were it set any closer to the forest's edge those trees would go up like birthday candles.

Pivoting on his foot, Ranma starts walking to one of the emergency buckets.]

Settin' one on either side of the logs could work. Or mayb--

[Ranma Saotome. Martial arts prodigy from right out the gate. Master of staying on his toes in any scenario and thinking fast. Capable of dodging boulders being pelted at him at bullet speed like it were a game of dodgeball...

... catches his foot on a rock he wasn't paying attention to and goes flying forward. In the time it takes for his brain to register that he's heading for something to cushion his face, all he can muster is a curse and a grouse of why is it always-- before he lands face first in that same bucket he was going for.

Surprising absolutely no one, it's one filled with water. Thankfully it spills out so there won't be any FD-esque deaths here today... though Ranma sits there with a bucket over his head like something out of an cartoon sketch, sulking with his arms crossed.]

[ Ah, genre mishmash, how we adore ye.

As Ranma flies forward into the bucket, Alex sputters, practically leaping to try and do whatever damage control he can. Not seeing what he tripped over, his mind starts inventing horrific ways this will lead to his own death. The log, it was the log, it's going to roll, and it's going to run into Alex and knock him back into the fire, so he'll burn like he was supposed to, and won't that just be perfect—

SPLASH, all over the ground, all over Ranma, who seems...not bothered by this. Well, not fine with it, but not fretful. It's just a silly event to him, not a potential disaster.

Still Alex, snaps up the bucket, pulling it off Ranma's head and— ] Fffuck, man, shit, are you good?

[Under the bucket, voice muffled and reverberated:]

M'peachy.

[Ranma is so peachy even his hair's now peach-colored. Or, wait, no it's more a pastel pink color. Metal veil removed off his head, Alex'll be met with not those grey-blues but bright pink eyes and a deadpanning scowl, on a face that looks so similar to the pigtailed boy he saw take a tumble. In the same way you catch a glimpse of someone on the street you think you recognize.

Alex's made it a habit to look at the signs of the world around him...]

I don't wanna say I told you so, man... But I'm gonna.

[... and all signs point to this being a girl, right down to the voice grumbling out sardonicisms.]

[ Reverberation aside, that voice sounds strange. Not like the one he'd just heard. That's...weird? Weird and getting weirder.

The same look in those pink eyes. The same tone in that higher voice. ]

Wh...

[ Think. Think. Tax that little hamster in your brain, Alex. Anything you may know, any hints, take them in and understand. ]

You...

.......Is this why you've got the- the two diff'rent measurements on those plaques?!

[ Naturally. This is naturally the way to confirm this. ]

[Truly there was no other way.]

Ye-up. [So fucking dry] Brilliant detective work there. [Can you hear the overwhelming amount of No shit sherlock in her voice?

Alex's astute deduction is further substantiated when Ranma hops back on her feet, confirming that. Well, he was already shorter than Alex before as a guy, but now? She teeny tiny.]

Well, shit, man, I didn't know.

[ A beat. ]

U-uh, girl...?

[ how the fuck does this one work. ]

[There's the question she was expecting from him! Lightning rounding her answers cause she's been through the tedium of the same question that she knows what to anticipate:]

Magical curse from back home. Fell into a cursed spring in China. I change into this every time I'm splashed with water. Hot changes me back to normal. Does that cover everything?

...What the hell? What kinda... Is this normal for your world?

Week one

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